It can be so frustrating when we know we self-sabotage, but we don’t know WHY.
Perhaps you find:
- You keep dating the same kind of person that is wrong for you
- You keep ending up in a job you hate
- You keep sabotaging your own efforts to get fit and lose weight
- You keep losing your temper, despite your best efforts not to
- You give up when things get hard, again and again
If any of this resonates, keep reading.
From my experience and training, I think it can be pinned back on one thing.
The subconscious mind.
What does the subconscious mind have to do with it?
Well, it likes to keep us safe.
I’ll say more about that…
The subconscious mind is the part of the mind that runs the “programming.”
It’s the habits, patterns, and tendencies that are hard-wired into us.
How do they form?
We become “wired” in certain ways from a very young age. It is based on survival techniques we employed to keep us safe and help us get our needs met.
We relied completely on our primary caregivers when we were young. Therefore, getting our needs met from them was of the utmost importance.
We needed them to feed us, clothe us, and provide us with shelter. We also longed for touch and attention.
Those things kept us alive, and the strategies we used to get them became hardwired into our subconscious mind.
Now let me tell you a secret about the subconscious mind (and this is important!):
The subconscious mind doesn’t like change.
It doesn’t like it at all.
Well, change poses a threat to the subconscious mind. The subconscious likes to use the strategies it knows. It favors the familiar.
Doing new things is threatening to the status quo.
The subconscious would rather things stayed the same, even if they aren’t working that well.
It’s a creature of habit. It likes what it knows.
This is why you may find it hard to change an old pattern or habit that isn’t serving you any longer. This is why you unintentionally self-sabotage.
Likely, the subconscious mind is running an old program that no longer fits. This is so frustrating to the adult self.
It may seem obvious to your conscious mind that things need to change, but no matter how hard you try, you just can’t seem to do things differently.
You are probably getting the point here:
The subconscious mind is wired to try and keep you SAFE, no matter what.
So, don’t beat yourself up if you keep repeating the same (unhealthy) patterns again and again.
The brain contains billions of neurons that communicate with each other. The neurons and neural pathways that you use all the time only become stronger with use.
Chances are, the old pattern or habit you are trying to kick has become very strongly embedded in your brain’s wiring.
When a set of neurons get activated, they become intricately connected. It becomes a whole sequence that is more likely to repeat in reaction to that type of circumstance or event in the future.
Thus, in order to change things once and for all, you’ve got to uncover what the trigger is and then re-wire your brain for new habits and patterns. Ones that will serve you well for who you are now.
The good news is that we have the help of the latest research in neuroscience. This research shows us that the brain possesses neuroplasticity, meaning that the the brain’s structure and wiring can be changed or molded by experience.
The research also informs us exactly how we can effectively re-wire new habits, as some experiences are more impactful on the brain than others.
This is exciting stuff!
The bottom line: Things don’t have to stay the same forever! You have the potential to stop self-sabotage and change old, outdated behaviors that no longer fit.
Need help stopping self-sabotage and learning to re-wire old habits and patterns? I can help! Schedule a free 15-minute phone consultation to learn how.